Wednesday, February 6, 2013

What is love? Baby don't hurt me

Dear Love,
You've given me life when I thought I would never breathe again
You gave me love for my beautiful god daughter
And Love for my unborn god son
Unconditional love for my family and friends.
My career, and my dog
But love. You really fucked me good this time.
I fell in love. A deep love. A love so encompassing that I never wanted to step outside of it's warm embrace.
A love so heavy at times it felt hard to breath
A love so innocent I blushed whenever I said your name
A love so bright, it blinded me from the truth.
How could I be so stupid love?
The signs were in front of me. Signs that I could touch, see, and feel
But I was lost in naïve hope.
Hope that one day, me and love would be on the same plane
Not this 1 sided love I had grown to adore
To yearn for
A love I had thirsted for. I was hungry for your power
A love that kept me up at night. Thinking of ways to outsmart your murderous chokehold
I had to stop
Had to let myself go
Because love, I started to forget myself
Started to compromise myself
I blamed it on the "greater good"
But I was slowly destroying myself.
My love, did not love me
And I was heart broken
My love sought other women
And I was heart broken
Like an addict I knew I had to quit you cold turkey
Shivering, and alone in the fetal position my heart cried out to you love
You faintly replied with answers you thought I wanted
I thought I wanted them to
I missed your sweet nothings. Your empty words that echoed so beautifully in my ear
I missed calling your name. Love. Sounded so sweet dancing off of my tongue
But love, you only loved what you thought you could get
And I will admit, I gave you what you wanted and expected little in return
You took it
With reckless abandon you took my love
My pure, sweet love.
You made it ugly
It made me bitter
Love I will probably never forgive you for this
I understand that in order to open myself up for my next blessing I will have to
But love I'm hurt, and there's nothing anyone can do about it
Time heals all they say. Love. This will take time
But I will fight.
My armor of hope, and my shield of forgiveness will help me navigate my way through this war
But I will be triumphant
Because love, I'm no quitter
You may have tricked me all those years, but you forgot one thing
The strongest love anyone can have, is the one they have for themselves
So in the words of the amazing Samantha Jones
I love you. But I love me more