Friday, April 27, 2012

Is 25 the new mid- life crises?

It all started 2 weeks ago.. The feeling. I was coming home from work when I noticed I had mail in my mailbox. Now, I know that having mail is a routine thing, but I just moved into my own place, so my first piece of mail was a magical moment for me. As I heisman'd my way through the crowd of children that play in my yard, I snatched my envelopes out of it's respective holding quarters and ran to my door two steps at a time. With careless abandon I slung my Kate Spade messenger bag and Navy issued Pea coat to the side only to find 3 very large disappointments. The first piece of mail was a letter for purchasing life insurance. The second piece of mail was a letter from an anonymous church in Oklahoma which contained a prayer blanket, and the third was the biggest surprise, ( and biggest let down) of all... An AARP magazine. Thinking that the magazine was a joke, my eyes frantically searched the little white address box at the bottom of the cover page, praying that this was some sort of mix up. But alas, on the bottom in full display was my name and address. This had been no accident. Why on earth had I received a magazine for the elderly? As I flipped through the pages, words like Osteoporosis, menopause, and erectile dysfunction jumped out at me. Every second that I spent skimming the pages, I could feel my bones shrinking, and my ovaries shriveling up. I decided to toss the items in the recycling bin and continue on with my day. Fast forward to the next day. As I was boarding the bus for work, a boy who couldn't be any younger than 10 stepped aside and let me board before him. I thanked him with a smile and started to climb the stairs as he shouted to the bus driver, "Aren't you gonna lower the bus"? Wait. What? "No no no, I'm fine" I assured the bus driver. But to my embarrassment he began to lower the bus. I managed to grumble a generic thanks under my breath, to which the boy responded, "You're Welcome ma'am." Well yall. That right there did it. Ma'am? Ma'am?!  My mother and grandmother are ma'am. I'm not ma'am. I was horrified, and shook. It couldn't have been a coincidence that I had received a letter for life insurance, the official handbook to getting old, and had been "helped" onto a public bus. Much later on in the day during one of my breaks, I decided to keep up with the times and check in on my Facebook account. I don't update it that often so I wasn't caught up with every body's tea. As I began to scroll through the timeline, I noticed that mostly everyone I knew, from High school, to CAU to the Navy were either engaged, married, or pregnant. When the HELL did that happen? Had I missed some sort of memo that I was in fact... old? It was the final straw. I quickly text my best friends to tell them that I was going to find a boyfriend and fall in line with the rest of my peers. Soon after I sent that text, a received 1 from a guy I had met a few weeks ago. He was very attractive, and older then me which was a plus. We kept missing each other due to our schedules, and he wanted to hook up since we both had some free time. I was ecstatic! I got myself together and an hour later I was in his company. Things were going pretty well until he began filling me in on the details of his life. He didn't have a job (but was employed.. hmmm... I'll let you conclude what he does). His parents own an apartment complex, but he lives with his mother. (hmmmm... ). He rarely drove because he was always letting someone else "borrow" his car (hmmmm). And last but certainly not least, he had 3 practically grown children. Usually, I would have emotionally checked out of the conversation after he had stated he wasn't legally employed. But I decided to ditch my shallow Hal ways and look past everything else. We began discussing my accomplishments and what I wanted for the future. As I was talking, I began listening to everything I was saying and in the middle of me telling him about going to Nursing school, I began to smile. 25 isn't old. I wasn't old. In fact, I'm in my prime. I still have so much life to live, and so many other things to do. I couldn't believe that I let a  magazine, and a boy who was only displaying his wonderful home training change my thinking. The date was pretty much over, and although he was a cool guy, he had a lot more growing up to do. I did tweek myself out for at least a week with my "I'm old" mentality. But the reality is, I'm not the only 25 year old that thinks this. In fact, there were many times that I had to calm my best friend down from fits of hysteria the closer her birthday came. In today's society, everyone is in a huge rush to "grow up". The rush is so major, that age restraints have become completely useless. 12 year olds are already checking into alcohol rehab, 15 year olds are moms and dads, and grandparents are still clubbing it up. It only makes sense that my mid-life crises would come a few years early. Today, I'm perfectly content with where I am. I'm happy, and healthy with a loving family, wonderful friends, and jobs with great benefits. I'm exactly where I should be plus sum. But don't think I didn't take anything in the AARP magazine serious.. uh, hello calcium pills? What? Osteoporosis is real.
Kisha_Fashionista

Thursday, April 12, 2012

A single girl's musings on being single

Well.. what can I say?
These last few months have been a whirlwind for me... A higher position at my job, more collateral duties with the Navy, moving into my own place, and changing my career path. WHEW!
In the midst of all the turmoil, months after my breakup, I've allowed myself to finally let go and "date".
The concept of "dating" is very new to me... When I look back on my life and the people that I've allowed in, I realize that I made many mistakes... The biggest mistake of all was not allowing myself time to be with me. I've always had someone I was either exclusively dating, or someone I was "talking to", or whatever it is you kids call it nowadays. There was always someone to text, or call when I wanted to chat with he opposite sex. Someone always willing to grab a quick lunch, dinner, or movie... Always, someone. I was never ALOOONE..
Now that I find myself alone, I'm treading in waters completely foreign to me, and I'll admit, I was not handling it very well.. But as I sat in my living room waiting for my alarm to go off, I gave myself time to really examine what it was that I was doing wrong.
*gasp*
wait.. wait.. yes, I will admit that maaaaaby, I have played a crucial role in a lot of my relationship outcomes. There were moments where I did not allow myself to be treated wonderfully. I was so bored with the thought of routine, that I would blind myself to what it feels like to really be courted. Two missed potentially golden opportunities later and here I am.
It's not all my fault though.
Well, I guess it is.
I wont be that girl that blames her parents (because mine were wonderful and loving). I had no early childhood traumas, and I come from a caring support system. No, my quirks are all my own.
I also came up with another conclusion. I expect a lot out of someone, but fail to put much effort in myself, especially if no clear titles have been given
All of these realizations came to me this very morning, and I made a vow that I would stop getting in the way of my own happiness. Easier said then done right? Right. But I figure the path to self discovery is like a 12 step program. The first step is admitting there may or may not be a problem
Kisha_Fashionista