6 months in Pictures

Delusions of Grandeur

Hello Lovelies, Yes, It's been a few months. But I can honestly say that I've been doing some good. Now, for those in my hometown that noticed my 3 month absence, I'll let you know, I joined the Navy.. *waits for gasps* . Before you pass too much judgement, let me be the first to say, that my reasons were totally selfless (well... somewhat) and completely justified. Yes, I went through 2 months of bootcamp. Yes I cried almost daily, No I wasn't able to talk to my friends or family, and finally YES I lost a ton of weight. (Eat your hearts out) Now.. while I was there, I had plenty of time to reflect on everything I had left behind. Sure I was still in Illinois, but I had zero contact with the outside world other than my mom and my besties writing to me. It gave me a chance to think about my dating situation, school, and myself. As Far as dating was concerned, you'll remember I had involved myself with not 1, or 2..but 3 people. No I wasn't sleeping with all of them, and if I was so what, I'm grown. But I was emotionally attached in some form or fashion. But were the feelings mutual? I decided to put this question to the test and wrote a letter to all 3 of them. Each letter contained a different heartfelt message of nostalgia and longing, promises of what was to come, and optimism for the future. And you wanna know what happened? Nada. Not. One. Fucking. Letter. Boop. Did it leave me a saltier than Wendys french fries? Yes. And of course on graduation day as I flicked Great Lakes Naval Training Base off as my parents drove me away, I couldn't help but get a little excited at the prospect of seeing these 3 lads. Why? After months of silence, where I was so clearly out of my normal cocktails, heels, parties till 3, and tacos as the sun rose element, would I be excited to see 3 assholes that couldn't even bother to write a freaking paragraph saying that they missed me too. Even the feigned you can do it, I have faith in you was never sent or even shown. But yet, the thought of seeing them actually gave me comfort. In fact, I did see one. We shall call him F. Mainly because that's what his first name starts with.. (Yeah. I'm innovative). Anyway, F was who I had been dealing with the longest and I decided to forgo the anger of not hearing from him, for a night of alone time. I heard everything from I missed you, to lets get married, to we're gonna make this work. And being the pathetic romantic that I am, I decided to believe it. Even though Me and He had been in cahoots for an entire year and our status had not stepped up not even 1 iota. I still held on to the vision of us, somewhere happy holding hands and jelousing everybody with our oogly eyed facebook pictures. Of photoshoots on some beach drinking cocktails and pretending to not see the camera of our significant other as they snapped away on there Blackberry. Of tweeting our admiration for one another while our followers retweeted wishing they could find what we had. I wanted that. But the truth of the matter was, F was nothing more than a delusion of grandeur. He was something so beautifully unattainable, that I felt the need to use up every resource I had in order to get him, keep him. I became that friend that every girl has that really believes she's in a relationship with someone, and it takes all your strength not to mutter bitch under your breath every time she talks about him. Soon, the other 2 that I had left behind somehow found there way back into my text inbox. And the juggling of the messages commenced. I only had 10 days of leave before I had to check into my next command, so the days following my graduation were somewhat blurry. But When I finally left Chicago, I left with a bitter taste in my mouth. The sting of once again falling victim to sweet lies, and the realization that despite my best efforts, I hadn't really changed. Soon after arriving in Mississippi, (which let me say IS most definitely the arm pit of the south) F started to get on my last damn nerves. Our roles had somehow switched. I wasn't that thirsty girl clawing to my phone every time my bbm went off. In fact, I had went days, even weeks without so much as a "Hey, You breathin?" What had happened? My sense finally caught up with my age. I realized that I had spent the last 2 months crawling through ditches, doing push ups till my arms fell off, and learning how to work as a team. And F, was absolutely not a team player. He was, a blue ball hog. Not willing to share his playing time with anyone else until he was 20 points down and needed assists. My desire for a relationship with him had fizzled. I was tired of trying to make a big something out of an even bigger nothing. And although to this day I still wonder what it would have been like if we had been in a relationship, I realized that the grandeur was worse than the bite.

My Confessions

*I Confess that... I have a boyfriend (YAAAY)

*I confess that although I'm in the Navy, the littlest things still scare the shit outta me

*I confess that as nice as it is to be home, I'm getting HELLA restless

Well, that's 6 months of my life summed up in a short story. Do NOT let Delusions of Grandeur block you from an oncoming blessing. Just because something feels decent in the now, doesn't mean it will feel that way forever. If something just doesn't feel right, 10 out of 10 times, it isn't. And if all else fails, Fuck em, then..... fuck em. *shrugs* HA!

(With my Brit Brat in Uniform)