Monday, March 4, 2013

The Ballad of a hot mess

So... I lost my job Friday. Anyone that knows me, knows that working is my life. I've worked every year since I was 16. If you do the math, that's 10 years... The last few months, I started adding to my nightly prayer to be shown a direction.. I needed guidance. I needed someone to tell me what to do. I had a dream, as do many. I had the keys to execute every plan almost flawlessly. When it came down to it, I would conk out and continue to settle into my cushy office position. I was the boss. Not the big boss, but a boss nonetheless. I ran my district with ease, and although there were times that I would want to kill the CEO, I considered many of my co-workers to be family. Then things started to go wrong.... I started to become miserable. I didn't have time for anything. I barely saw my family. I worked from home, weekends, even after and before hours. Work started to consume my entire life. What was worse, it was in a job that I wanted nothing to do with. Medicine and writing are my passions. Working for a corporate Handyman empire was just to pay the bills. But they owned my soul, in my mind at least. My affinity for independence, nice things, and vacays kept me chained to the heels of that awful company.
I watched the man that would now take my position tell me that my services would no longer be needed. I heard nothing come out of his mouth. I felt my ears get hot and the room spin. If I didn't tune him out I would have thrown up all over his desk. This little shit. The same little shit that I trained. Taught him just enough for him to excel. Watched him become the new favorite of the office. All those times I felt it coming and I shrugged it off and immersed myself in spreadsheets, profit and loss standards, and vendor registration. But yet, here I am. In bed at 9:12 on a Monday. I knew it was coming. At first, I kept a pretty calm demeanor. This past weekend I found myself laughing and joking about the situation. But as Monday approached my attitude became more volatile. It was like a dark storm cloud that I could see approaching in the horizon. I tried to keep myself busy by scrubbing the entire apartment from top to bottom. It worked for awhile, but every 5 seconds my mind kept drifting back to WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO KISHA? My friend offered me a job which I thankfully accepted. It's a significant pay cut but a job is a job and I am eternally grateful. Monday morning came and at first I had a little difficulty. I got up to walk my dog and grab a cup of coffee per usual, but the only difference is, I would be going home and staying home. I kicked off my shoes and drank my iced coffee in bed, bordering between sadness and excitement. I decided to try and distract myself by going on Facebook. There among the many notifications was one for a picture in a club that I am in. It completely knocked me off my feet
 
 
It made me realize that I had asked for this.. I asked for a sign. It may not have been the sign I expected, but it's there nonetheless. I finished sending off the necessary paperwork to begin my job change in the Navy, and sent off my transcripts to the rest of the colleges on my list. There is a reason for everything. Every encounter, every change, every new experience, every heartbreak, and every triumph. The reasons are not always known in the beginning, but it's up to us how we handle each one.