The Waiting Game

(photo credit: madame Noire.com)

Ok ladies, you’ve been there. You meet a guy that you’re really attracted too. You go on dates, you hold hands, you kiss, he pays for dates, and your female friends all awww every time you mention a cute little quirk of his. Around month 3 or 4, Everything is going great and you’vecompletely cut off all communication and ties with any other man. You’re out with your guy, looking and feeling great and he runs into someone he knows. Youextend your hand to say hello, and he introduces you as his friend. (wait what? Friend? Friend! FRIEND?!) YIKES! After you’ve picked your face up, you continue on with the handshake and fake pleasantries but inside you are STEWING. What do you do? What do you say? So I ask.. What is the appropriate time frame between dating and the title of “girlfriend”? This is where the waiting game comes to play. Men have all sorts of reasons, cross overs and rebound plays as to why they aren’t ready to play the relationship game. Some say “I’ve been hurt before” (blah) or “I just don’t want to jump into something serious right now” (double blah). So what’s a girl to do? In my opinion,there are 2 options. Give him the ultimatem and let him know, there’s no point in waiting when the chemistry is obviously there, OR you wait it out until he’s ready to make you co- coach.. My opinions on the matter will definitely be discussed later on in theblog, but I figured to counteract my ownbiased opinions, I’d ask my guy friend Trent.

Ladies sometimes you tend to over value the small stuff and completely ignore what is important. If I am talking to yo ass all the damn time, and i'm with yo ass all the damn time and no other females are getting my romantic attention ( romance is deeper than sex) and yes your the only person I am sleeping with WTF else are yo looking for? How about this. If your "hanging" with a guy and you like what you got going on, DON'T ROCK THE BOAT!!! You mean to tell me your willing sacrifice all of your happiness, and smiles, and orgasms over a title that holds little to no weight!?!?!?! I suggest if you are currently involved in a situation that you enjoy, GO WITH THE FLOW!!! Do not confuse going with the flow with settling as they are two completely different things. Ladies play your part, allow your man to lead. If you all both are feeling each other it will not be a damn secret. If you get introduced as his lady roll with it. There don't need to be a meeting or convo about the shit, yall already doing everything a "Relationship" entails. He just made it PUBLIC. Don't make a big deal out of it. Don't change the routine that's gonna fuck everything up and make a dude look at you funny and different. A man's escape plan is a lot more abrupt and cold, and can be initiated at the drop of a dime. Ladies don't let the girlfriend shit be the cause of your evacuation. Remember the goal is to get the RING. Being a girlfriend means you are about 17% into your jorney into becoming that man's wife. Continue to go with the flow if he is giving you everything your looking for from your man or at least 80% of it, don't pressure him into marriage because of your own funky ass personal issues.Those ultimatums never work dont bring that poison around.

And there we go. A man's perspective on the waiting game. In a previous blog I talked about titles. Really what it all comes down to is personal preference. I've been on both sides of the spectrum. A titled relationship after a few months of dating and a few YEARS of dating with no title (rough days man) It's my firm belief that when you want something bad enough, you'll do whatever it takes to keep it. (Sports teams and owners make it rain on players all the time) The same should apply for "relationships". If a man sees that the lack of a title is really bothering the lady that he's very interested in, if she means that much to him, he'll compromise. There is no sport in history that is fun with just 1 player. Life is a hard enough challenge, with someone by your side, it makes the game all the more fun

@Elle_is_Haute

@BoogBrownUMA

The Good Fight

The dictionary defines fighting as “taking part in a violent
struggle involving the exchange of physical blows or the use of weapons” . It
is also described as the act of engaging in war.

When you first hear the word fight, what’s the first image that pops into your head? Unfortunately, thanks to today’s society, when I hear or read the word fight I think about Love and Hip Hop and Chrissy beating that unfortunate girl out of her yaky ponytail. But what does fighting mean in a relationship? I’m not talking about heavy weight boxing matches between two
lovers, or a yelling match that can be heard a mile away. I’m talking about
what happens, when 1 party stops putting up a fight?

Usually when women sense that something is wrong they use war
tactics to find out intelligence secrets of the opposing side. I hate to bring
up Love and Hip Hop again, but in last week’s episode, we saw that Chrissy threatend
Jim with a breakup if he didn’t propose. While in Miami, she told her friends how hurt
she was that Jim seemed completely unfazed by her claims. She felt like he didn’t
even fight for her. They say actions speak louder than words. You can say you’re
leaving or you will or won’t do something until your blue in the face. But when
those words are followed by actions that are how you know where you stand. Now
some men might take this as playing games, but honestly it’s a very cleaver
(but risky) way of finding out what’s really good.

Take myself for example. After a few years of giving up the
milk for free, I finally decided to let farmer john know it wasn’t going down
like that anymore. The response I got was nothing short of a should shrug, a
pat on the back, and a bid for a good day. Imagine how stupid I felt to know
that what I felt, and what he was feeling where on 2 totally separate planes.
There was absolutely NO fight in him. After a couple of minutes of feeling
stunned and a little hurt. I picked my pride back up and realized that his
reaction was the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. Why? Because now
I know where we stood. That’s why I said the actions followed by the words were
risky. If you aren’t willing to accept that you may not be worth the fight then
by all means stay in your bubble of ignorance.

Don't take that last statement as judgment because it’s not.
I don’t really believe in New Year’s resolutions, because you should strive for
better every day of your life. But if you’re going to resolve to do anything,
fight for forward progression. Anybody who is content with mediocrity and
doing, and saying the same thing day in and day out with no progression, doesn’t
deserve your fight. If it’s worth it, put up your dukes. But it takes 2 people
to fight, and if you’re the only 1 putting in the effort, then the battle has
already been lost.