Ok Fabs,
We've all seen the movies. First it was that snooze of a movie with Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher. (sp? who cares). Then there was the movie with Mila Kunis (hotttt!) and Justin Timberlake (hotter!!!). You all know what movies I'm talking about. The super cliche, friends having sex movies. Two friends of the opposite sex who are fed up with the perils of dating decide to have casual consistent sex with no strings attached. Of course at first, both parties view this as the best idea since Christian slathered red on the bottom of his shoes. But anyone with genitalia (and a brain) know that casual sex is anything but. So I pose this question, Is there such thing as friends with benefits?
Well from my experience, I'm going to answer that with a big ol hell naw. I tried the friends who fuck route and do you know where it left me? Fucked. Let me explain....
A good friend and I both found ourselves single and available for the most part. Now when I say good friend, we were just that. Friends who shared the same extra curriculars *cough* and generally just enjoyed each others company. After a night of 1800 shots (which will have even the most rational thinker running down MLK Ave in their underwear) we decided to take our friendship to the next level, with the understanding that it was "just sex". For awhile it worked out beautifully. We would get up and partake in our vices, then dip off somewhere, get it in, and depart. But a few weeks into it, he threw a dinner in the mix. Soon going out to eat, then having jungle sex was the norm. But soon after, dinner turned into dates. And not the kind of dates where you drive 45 miles outside of the city to eat at some whole in the wall restaurant with toothless cooks and toilets that never flush all the way. We were at legitimate spots where many of our other acquaintances had easy access to us, and our business. In those moments my beloved Fabs is where I made my mistake. I really thought that because I was being taken out, our original "just friends" contract was suddenly null and void. And in my girlish mind, a whole new type of understanding was formed. It probably didn't help that I was majorly in love with him before we even decided to knock boots. But I truly believed that something was better than nothing. Well several months later, after a impromptu exit to bootcamp, an obvious avoidance and a boyfriend later, me and my "friend" no longer speak. Why? because 1 of us admittedly caught (kept) feelings. Now to this day, I still believe with all my heart that the feelings were mutual. But let him tell it, I was in the boat by myself. In the end, it all worked out because I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason. I'm happy in my situation, and whatever it is he's doing, I'm sure he's happy as well. But for awhile, I was really miserable. So again I ask, is there such thing as friends with benefits. What are benefits? In my mind, a benefit is something positive that comes out of putting in some kind of something. So is the benefit of sleeping with your friend a nut? Because if so, lets be honest, we are perfectly capable of doing that on our own. So what is the benefit? If the situation you land yourself in mimics Hollywood's grandiose idea of "friends with benefits", then of course your benefit is a lifetime partner with whom you have bomb sex with. But if your situation is like mine, where in the end you're left with more empty condom wrappers then answers, then the "benefits" look hella slim.
So in closing Fabs, whenever my amigas ask me my opinions on taking on a potential friend with benefit, my face always scrunches up to the point of non recognition. Simply because of the bitter taste that was left in my mouth from my previous experience. No. Pun. Intended. :)
