The Ballad of a hot mess

So... I lost my job Friday. Anyone that knows me, knows that working is my life. I've worked every year since I was 16. If you do the math, that's 10 years... The last few months, I started adding to my nightly prayer to be shown a direction.. I needed guidance. I needed someone to tell me what to do. I had a dream, as do many. I had the keys to execute every plan almost flawlessly. When it came down to it, I would conk out and continue to settle into my cushy office position. I was the boss. Not the big boss, but a boss nonetheless. I ran my district with ease, and although there were times that I would want to kill the CEO, I considered many of my co-workers to be family. Then things started to go wrong.... I started to become miserable. I didn't have time for anything. I barely saw my family. I worked from home, weekends, even after and before hours. Work started to consume my entire life. What was worse, it was in a job that I wanted nothing to do with. Medicine and writing are my passions. Working for a corporate Handyman empire was just to pay the bills. But they owned my soul, in my mind at least. My affinity for independence, nice things, and vacays kept me chained to the heels of that awful company.
I watched the man that would now take my position tell me that my services would no longer be needed. I heard nothing come out of his mouth. I felt my ears get hot and the room spin. If I didn't tune him out I would have thrown up all over his desk. This little shit. The same little shit that I trained. Taught him just enough for him to excel. Watched him become the new favorite of the office. All those times I felt it coming and I shrugged it off and immersed myself in spreadsheets, profit and loss standards, and vendor registration. But yet, here I am. In bed at 9:12 on a Monday. I knew it was coming. At first, I kept a pretty calm demeanor. This past weekend I found myself laughing and joking about the situation. But as Monday approached my attitude became more volatile. It was like a dark storm cloud that I could see approaching in the horizon. I tried to keep myself busy by scrubbing the entire apartment from top to bottom. It worked for awhile, but every 5 seconds my mind kept drifting back to WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO KISHA? My friend offered me a job which I thankfully accepted. It's a significant pay cut but a job is a job and I am eternally grateful. Monday morning came and at first I had a little difficulty. I got up to walk my dog and grab a cup of coffee per usual, but the only difference is, I would be going home and staying home. I kicked off my shoes and drank my iced coffee in bed, bordering between sadness and excitement. I decided to try and distract myself by going on Facebook. There among the many notifications was one for a picture in a club that I am in. It completely knocked me off my feet

 

 

It made me realize that I had asked for this.. I asked for a sign. It may not have been the sign I expected, but it's there nonetheless. I finished sending off the necessary paperwork to begin my job change in the Navy, and sent off my transcripts to the rest of the colleges on my list. There is a reason for everything. Every encounter, every change, every new experience, every heartbreak, and every triumph. The reasons are not always known in the beginning, but it's up to us how we handle each one.

It is what it is

I cannot keep confusing what you're doing with love... Love isn't suppose to make me feel like shit.

What is love? Baby don't hurt me

Dear Love,
You've given me life when I thought I would never breathe again
You gave me love for my beautiful god daughter
And Love for my unborn god son
Unconditional love for my family and friends.
My career, and my dog
But love. You really fucked me good this time.
I fell in love. A deep love. A love so encompassing that I never wanted to step outside of it's warm embrace.
A love so heavy at times it felt hard to breath
A love so innocent I blushed whenever I said your name
A love so bright, it blinded me from the truth.
How could I be so stupid love?
The signs were in front of me. Signs that I could touch, see, and feel
But I was lost in naïve hope.
Hope that one day, me and love would be on the same plane
Not this 1 sided love I had grown to adore
To yearn for
A love I had thirsted for. I was hungry for your power
A love that kept me up at night. Thinking of ways to outsmart your murderous chokehold
I had to stop
Had to let myself go
Because love, I started to forget myself
Started to compromise myself
I blamed it on the "greater good"
But I was slowly destroying myself.
My love, did not love me
And I was heart broken
My love sought other women
And I was heart broken
Like an addict I knew I had to quit you cold turkey
Shivering, and alone in the fetal position my heart cried out to you love
You faintly replied with answers you thought I wanted
I thought I wanted them to
I missed your sweet nothings. Your empty words that echoed so beautifully in my ear
I missed calling your name. Love. Sounded so sweet dancing off of my tongue
But love, you only loved what you thought you could get
And I will admit, I gave you what you wanted and expected little in return
You took it
With reckless abandon you took my love
My pure, sweet love.
You made it ugly
It made me bitter
Love I will probably never forgive you for this
I understand that in order to open myself up for my next blessing I will have to
But love I'm hurt, and there's nothing anyone can do about it
Time heals all they say. Love. This will take time
But I will fight.
My armor of hope, and my shield of forgiveness will help me navigate my way through this war
But I will be triumphant
Because love, I'm no quitter
You may have tricked me all those years, but you forgot one thing
The strongest love anyone can have, is the one they have for themselves
So in the words of the amazing Samantha Jones
Love,
I love you. But I love me more

Stop! The love you Save may be your own

Two weeks ago while perusing on Twitter (while I was suppose to be working) *coughs*  an interesting tweet showed up on my Timeline. It was a punk bitch  man claiming that none of his girlfriends could make more than him, or be more successful than him. The slander that showed up in his mentions was classic, and many men decided to take there stab at him and call him out on his shit. "You cant be serious" said some, and "N*gga, what do YOU do" said others. I wanted to add my two cents in to the mix, but it got me thinking. Many of these guys (and girls) showed utter outrage that somebody could be so set back in their thinking, that they would feel emasculated if their female counterpart was more successful than them. In reality, people think like that ALL the time.  There are plenty of guys that can't stand for a woman to be more successful than him. You know how many times my single girlfriends have said that guys were intimidated by their degrees and good jobs?
The last guy I was seeing did not understand that I write. (I love writing for the Examiner and it's damn good money). I draw a lot of writing pieces from personal experiences, and he just happened to be the muse to most of my best work... (shouldn't have been fuckin up). Although I never used names (to protect the innocent.. mainly myself) It still made him very uncomfortable that I would engage in lengthy dialogues about some fuck shit he did. He would call me out and say that it was subtweeting, or subwriting, and rarely read any of my work. I would like the record to show that I could understand how jilting it must be to experience something, then read it, and read other people's commentary. Honestly, I got tired of defending myself and my decision to express myself the way I wanted to, while making a little money on the side.
I explained all this to one of my best male friends Trent (whom you all have had the pleasure of reading in one of my older blog's "The Waiting Game"). He said, 

 "He doesn't respect your hustle. You need someone that understands you and what you do"

He was absolutely right. I thought on this for awhile as I contemplated how I was going to handle our situation. Later on that day while talking to my roommate, she randomly stated

" You can only really have one... Love or a career. And they way things are going for me, I might just choose love"
 

 I was floored. Here was my roommate, one of the brightest in our class, beautiful, smart, and incredible talented, saying that if she had a man that wanted her to choose between him and her career that she would choose him. It brought me back to that fool from Twitter saying that he wouldn't date anybody more successful than him.
Has it really come to that? Do we have to choose between the two? Where are they guys that would prefer that you had your life together? I have no idea because clearly I'm still single as hell. But if I do have to choose between the love of my life, and the LOVE that I have for my life, what would I choose?

Matters of the heart. Pretty much suck

Hi!
Don't even say anything about that fact that I haven't written in months. How do I even know people read this?. I know. I know. But life has really been kickin my ass. I'll explain later.
 Today, I'd like to discuss the fact that my heart is out to kill me.
I've written many times about how much I HATE when somebody uses that tired ass excuse "I've been hurt before". I used to hate hearing that (and yes I've heard it often). It was never a good excuse to me, because everybody is different. Don't make me pay for the sins of others. Right? Somewhat right. See, before I got into the situation that I'm in now, I always believed that everybody got a clean slate when they started dating new people. Boy was I wrong.
So... there's this guy. That I like. Well love. Like, a lot. And unfortunately I've heard that "I was hurt" excuse from him.. multiple times. I was actually starting to think that maybe it's just me. Maybe we're so incompatible in the important areas, but not the physical ones, that I wasn't even worth a try. Then something strange happened. We went out on a date. A DATE.
THAT my friends is when my heart started plotting against me...

I started feeling a certain type of way if we didn't talk when I wanted to talk

If I would notice certain things on a social network

The way we interacted in a social setting

I started finding reasons to ignore a text, or catch an attitude.

Now I know what you're thinking. WHAT THE FUCK?!
All this time I spent trying to get to this point and now I'm sabotaging it. WHYYYY?
Well.... Because I've been hurt before *ducks the many invisible shoes being thrown at my head Bush-style*
I know, I know. How could I persecute someone for using that excuse with me, when I was using it with them? Because now I know what it means.
I'm literally SO terrified of getting my feelings hurt by this dude, that I'll do whatever it takes to protect my heart.
Well now my heart is so "protected", I've pretty much isolated myself. Islands are no fun if you don't have someone to fuck frolic with..
So where do I go from here? Who knows. I surely don't. But I can say that I've learned a very valuable lesson. I wont be so quick to shoot down someones feelings or responses just because I haven't yet experienced them.
God I hate being an adult

Is 25 the new mid- life crises?

It all started 2 weeks ago.. The feeling. I was coming home from work when I noticed I had mail in my mailbox. Now, I know that having mail is a routine thing, but I just moved into my own place, so my first piece of mail was a magical moment for me. As I heisman'd my way through the crowd of children that play in my yard, I snatched my envelopes out of it's respective holding quarters and ran to my door two steps at a time. With careless abandon I slung my Kate Spade messenger bag and Navy issued Pea coat to the side only to find 3 very large disappointments. The first piece of mail was a letter for purchasing life insurance. The second piece of mail was a letter from an anonymous church in Oklahoma which contained a prayer blanket, and the third was the biggest surprise, ( and biggest let down) of all... An AARP magazine. Thinking that the magazine was a joke, my eyes frantically searched the little white address box at the bottom of the cover page, praying that this was some sort of mix up. But alas, on the bottom in full display was my name and address. This had been no accident. Why on earth had I received a magazine for the elderly? As I flipped through the pages, words like Osteoporosis, menopause, and erectile dysfunction jumped out at me. Every second that I spent skimming the pages, I could feel my bones shrinking, and my ovaries shriveling up. I decided to toss the items in the recycling bin and continue on with my day. Fast forward to the next day. As I was boarding the bus for work, a boy who couldn't be any younger than 10 stepped aside and let me board before him. I thanked him with a smile and started to climb the stairs as he shouted to the bus driver, "Aren't you gonna lower the bus"? Wait. What? "No no no, I'm fine" I assured the bus driver. But to my embarrassment he began to lower the bus. I managed to grumble a generic thanks under my breath, to which the boy responded, "You're Welcome ma'am." Well yall. That right there did it. Ma'am? Ma'am?!  My mother and grandmother are ma'am. I'm not ma'am. I was horrified, and shook. It couldn't have been a coincidence that I had received a letter for life insurance, the official handbook to getting old, and had been "helped" onto a public bus. Much later on in the day during one of my breaks, I decided to keep up with the times and check in on my Facebook account. I don't update it that often so I wasn't caught up with every body's tea. As I began to scroll through the timeline, I noticed that mostly everyone I knew, from High school, to CAU to the Navy were either engaged, married, or pregnant. When the HELL did that happen? Had I missed some sort of memo that I was in fact... old? It was the final straw. I quickly text my best friends to tell them that I was going to find a boyfriend and fall in line with the rest of my peers. Soon after I sent that text, a received 1 from a guy I had met a few weeks ago. He was very attractive, and older then me which was a plus. We kept missing each other due to our schedules, and he wanted to hook up since we both had some free time. I was ecstatic! I got myself together and an hour later I was in his company. Things were going pretty well until he began filling me in on the details of his life. He didn't have a job (but was employed.. hmmm... I'll let you conclude what he does). His parents own an apartment complex, but he lives with his mother. (hmmmm... ). He rarely drove because he was always letting someone else "borrow" his car (hmmmm). And last but certainly not least, he had 3 practically grown children. Usually, I would have emotionally checked out of the conversation after he had stated he wasn't legally employed. But I decided to ditch my shallow Hal ways and look past everything else. We began discussing my accomplishments and what I wanted for the future. As I was talking, I began listening to everything I was saying and in the middle of me telling him about going to Nursing school, I began to smile. 25 isn't old. I wasn't old. In fact, I'm in my prime. I still have so much life to live, and so many other things to do. I couldn't believe that I let a  magazine, and a boy who was only displaying his wonderful home training change my thinking. The date was pretty much over, and although he was a cool guy, he had a lot more growing up to do. I did tweek myself out for at least a week with my "I'm old" mentality. But the reality is, I'm not the only 25 year old that thinks this. In fact, there were many times that I had to calm my best friend down from fits of hysteria the closer her birthday came. In today's society, everyone is in a huge rush to "grow up". The rush is so major, that age restraints have become completely useless. 12 year olds are already checking into alcohol rehab, 15 year olds are moms and dads, and grandparents are still clubbing it up. It only makes sense that my mid-life crises would come a few years early. Today, I'm perfectly content with where I am. I'm happy, and healthy with a loving family, wonderful friends, and jobs with great benefits. I'm exactly where I should be plus sum. But don't think I didn't take anything in the AARP magazine serious.. uh, hello calcium pills? What? Osteoporosis is real.
Kisha_Fashionista

A single girl's musings on being single

Well.. what can I say?
These last few months have been a whirlwind for me... A higher position at my job, more collateral duties with the Navy, moving into my own place, and changing my career path. WHEW!
In the midst of all the turmoil, months after my breakup, I've allowed myself to finally let go and "date".
The concept of "dating" is very new to me... When I look back on my life and the people that I've allowed in, I realize that I made many mistakes... The biggest mistake of all was not allowing myself time to be with me. I've always had someone I was either exclusively dating, or someone I was "talking to", or whatever it is you kids call it nowadays. There was always someone to text, or call when I wanted to chat with he opposite sex. Someone always willing to grab a quick lunch, dinner, or movie... Always, someone. I was never ALOOONE..
Now that I find myself alone, I'm treading in waters completely foreign to me, and I'll admit, I was not handling it very well.. But as I sat in my living room waiting for my alarm to go off, I gave myself time to really examine what it was that I was doing wrong.
*gasp*
wait.. wait.. yes, I will admit that maaaaaby, I have played a crucial role in a lot of my relationship outcomes. There were moments where I did not allow myself to be treated wonderfully. I was so bored with the thought of routine, that I would blind myself to what it feels like to really be courted. Two missed potentially golden opportunities later and here I am.
It's not all my fault though.
Well, I guess it is.
I wont be that girl that blames her parents (because mine were wonderful and loving). I had no early childhood traumas, and I come from a caring support system. No, my quirks are all my own.
I also came up with another conclusion. I expect a lot out of someone, but fail to put much effort in myself, especially if no clear titles have been given
All of these realizations came to me this very morning, and I made a vow that I would stop getting in the way of my own happiness. Easier said then done right? Right. But I figure the path to self discovery is like a 12 step program. The first step is admitting there may or may not be a problem
Kisha_Fashionista

The Waiting Game

(photo credit: madame Noire.com)

Ok ladies, you’ve been there. You meet a guy that you’re really attracted too. You go on dates, you hold hands, you kiss, he pays for dates, and your female friends all awww every time you mention a cute little quirk of his. Around month 3 or 4, Everything is going great and you’vecompletely cut off all communication and ties with any other man. You’re out with your guy, looking and feeling great and he runs into someone he knows. Youextend your hand to say hello, and he introduces you as his friend. (wait what? Friend? Friend! FRIEND?!) YIKES! After you’ve picked your face up, you continue on with the handshake and fake pleasantries but inside you are STEWING. What do you do? What do you say? So I ask.. What is the appropriate time frame between dating and the title of “girlfriend”? This is where the waiting game comes to play. Men have all sorts of reasons, cross overs and rebound plays as to why they aren’t ready to play the relationship game. Some say “I’ve been hurt before” (blah) or “I just don’t want to jump into something serious right now” (double blah). So what’s a girl to do? In my opinion,there are 2 options. Give him the ultimatem and let him know, there’s no point in waiting when the chemistry is obviously there, OR you wait it out until he’s ready to make you co- coach.. My opinions on the matter will definitely be discussed later on in theblog, but I figured to counteract my ownbiased opinions, I’d ask my guy friend Trent.

Ladies sometimes you tend to over value the small stuff and completely ignore what is important. If I am talking to yo ass all the damn time, and i'm with yo ass all the damn time and no other females are getting my romantic attention ( romance is deeper than sex) and yes your the only person I am sleeping with WTF else are yo looking for? How about this. If your "hanging" with a guy and you like what you got going on, DON'T ROCK THE BOAT!!! You mean to tell me your willing sacrifice all of your happiness, and smiles, and orgasms over a title that holds little to no weight!?!?!?! I suggest if you are currently involved in a situation that you enjoy, GO WITH THE FLOW!!! Do not confuse going with the flow with settling as they are two completely different things. Ladies play your part, allow your man to lead. If you all both are feeling each other it will not be a damn secret. If you get introduced as his lady roll with it. There don't need to be a meeting or convo about the shit, yall already doing everything a "Relationship" entails. He just made it PUBLIC. Don't make a big deal out of it. Don't change the routine that's gonna fuck everything up and make a dude look at you funny and different. A man's escape plan is a lot more abrupt and cold, and can be initiated at the drop of a dime. Ladies don't let the girlfriend shit be the cause of your evacuation. Remember the goal is to get the RING. Being a girlfriend means you are about 17% into your jorney into becoming that man's wife. Continue to go with the flow if he is giving you everything your looking for from your man or at least 80% of it, don't pressure him into marriage because of your own funky ass personal issues.Those ultimatums never work dont bring that poison around.

And there we go. A man's perspective on the waiting game. In a previous blog I talked about titles. Really what it all comes down to is personal preference. I've been on both sides of the spectrum. A titled relationship after a few months of dating and a few YEARS of dating with no title (rough days man) It's my firm belief that when you want something bad enough, you'll do whatever it takes to keep it. (Sports teams and owners make it rain on players all the time) The same should apply for "relationships". If a man sees that the lack of a title is really bothering the lady that he's very interested in, if she means that much to him, he'll compromise. There is no sport in history that is fun with just 1 player. Life is a hard enough challenge, with someone by your side, it makes the game all the more fun

@Elle_is_Haute

@BoogBrownUMA

The Good Fight

The dictionary defines fighting as “taking part in a violent
struggle involving the exchange of physical blows or the use of weapons” . It
is also described as the act of engaging in war.

When you first hear the word fight, what’s the first image that pops into your head? Unfortunately, thanks to today’s society, when I hear or read the word fight I think about Love and Hip Hop and Chrissy beating that unfortunate girl out of her yaky ponytail. But what does fighting mean in a relationship? I’m not talking about heavy weight boxing matches between two
lovers, or a yelling match that can be heard a mile away. I’m talking about
what happens, when 1 party stops putting up a fight?

Usually when women sense that something is wrong they use war
tactics to find out intelligence secrets of the opposing side. I hate to bring
up Love and Hip Hop again, but in last week’s episode, we saw that Chrissy threatend
Jim with a breakup if he didn’t propose. While in Miami, she told her friends how hurt
she was that Jim seemed completely unfazed by her claims. She felt like he didn’t
even fight for her. They say actions speak louder than words. You can say you’re
leaving or you will or won’t do something until your blue in the face. But when
those words are followed by actions that are how you know where you stand. Now
some men might take this as playing games, but honestly it’s a very cleaver
(but risky) way of finding out what’s really good.

Take myself for example. After a few years of giving up the
milk for free, I finally decided to let farmer john know it wasn’t going down
like that anymore. The response I got was nothing short of a should shrug, a
pat on the back, and a bid for a good day. Imagine how stupid I felt to know
that what I felt, and what he was feeling where on 2 totally separate planes.
There was absolutely NO fight in him. After a couple of minutes of feeling
stunned and a little hurt. I picked my pride back up and realized that his
reaction was the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. Why? Because now
I know where we stood. That’s why I said the actions followed by the words were
risky. If you aren’t willing to accept that you may not be worth the fight then
by all means stay in your bubble of ignorance.

Don't take that last statement as judgment because it’s not.
I don’t really believe in New Year’s resolutions, because you should strive for
better every day of your life. But if you’re going to resolve to do anything,
fight for forward progression. Anybody who is content with mediocrity and
doing, and saying the same thing day in and day out with no progression, doesn’t
deserve your fight. If it’s worth it, put up your dukes. But it takes 2 people
to fight, and if you’re the only 1 putting in the effort, then the battle has
already been lost.

Word of the day: DUH-lusional

I've decided to incorporate of word of the day into my blog. Simply because I'm all about the reach one teach one method. So today's word of the day is DUH-lusional.

DUH-lusional [duh-loo-zhu-nl]

Adjective

1) Having an exaggerated false sense of belief or opinion

Now I know what you're thinking. Ummm, that's not how you spell delusional. I get that, and gold star to you for pointing out the obvious. Delusional and DUH-lusional are actually 2 different words in my vocabulary. You can be a little delusional while still holding on to some kind of sanity and pride. But when someone thinks of you as DUH-lusional, there's just no hope left. This morning on twitter, me (@Haus_of_Kish) and my bestriend @6inchwalka got into a discussion about people passing the harshest judgement on others via Internet, but do the same things in their every day life. Leading me to believe that these sort of people are way past the delusional state, and making their way into DUH-lusional town. I mean.. DUH! How can you think for a second that pointing out somebody else's flaws or short comings (that you share with them I might add) will in some way take away from the fact that you do it too? Just goofy. I'll admit, I can some times get a little Judge Judy (which I'm trying to work on) but could I ever fault somebody for cursing too much? Or having too much sex, or spending unnecessary money? Nooo, because I do all of that. (well minus the sex part, cuz ya girl is the Sahara over here... over share?)

In closing, be absolutely careful who you decide to slander or call out, and the reasons for said slander. You never know who's watching or listening. Be especially mindful about trying to snatch a shared wig, because the people that know you best, KNOW. After awhile, they aren't going to want to be around someone who's so much of a walking contradiction, leaving you friendless and alone. Just you and your DUH-lusions.

Whats good for the Goose?

Well Fabs,

This particular blog is not about love or lust. It is simply a blog talking about equality. Have you ever been in the situation where someone does something to you, and you turn around and do the same thing to them and it's like the world has come to an end? That's my issue right. damn. now. We all have that friend or family member that has no problem being a selfish little prick to any and everybody. They'll ask for rides without offering any gas, they'll eat all your food, or watch you order food then pick off your plate. Or do things more serious like bail out on a birthday, or fail to show up at the airport when your flight gets in. The fact is, we have all be victim to not being treated equally. Society has always taught us to use the eye for an eye mentality. Think about it. Whenever that mooch of a friend or family member has something that you might want, lets say, a bag of oreos (only because I'm feeling particularly fat today) Why the hell wouldn't you extend your hand to ask for a cookie after everything that you've given to them. But what could potentially happen next is sure to shock you to the pit of your hungry stomach. They say no. Then guilt you about how they haven't eaten in days, they're sugar is low blah blah blah. To sum it up, the scale tips... you right off.

Lets say it's something a lot more serious than sandwich cookies. Lets say you had a "friend" (boy we use that term SO loosely) who was a championship fuck up. But you love them dearly and always wish for their success. In the process of them fucking up, they in turn screw you over. Picture this, it's your birthday and you've spent months and months planning an elaborate celebration. Your hair is done, your nails are shinning, your lip gloss is poppin, and your party clothes are beat to perfection. You walk into your venue and see the smiling faces of your loved ones. Well, allllll but one. You go the whole night partially coherent, but you're just sober enough to realize, they still haven't made it. And on top of that, hasn't even bothered to call. Lets fast forward a bit. After everything you've been through with this person, they're still acting up and now, it's THEIR birthday. and you decide.. you know what, forget it. I'm stayin my ass right in the house to catch up on Private Practice. You think, well they wont trip, they didn't come to my shit. Ohhhhh but the next day, you have 3 texts full of curse words and a voodoo doll hidden in your front bushes. WTF?!

The truth is, everybody can dish it, but not everybody is built to take it. Some people find it so easy to be triflin to the ones that love them the most, but are quick to snap off if the exact thing is done to them.

So what to do? I have no clue. As everybody knows, everything i write about has happened to me. Meaning, i'm definitely writing from experience. The best thing you can do, is learn that you cant treat everybody equally, but accordingly. What does that mean? it means that the friend that has stuck by you in your worst moments, should NEVER get the same treatment as the friend that has no issue with standing you up on your happiest day. In fact, the triflin friend should get fed with the longest of long handled spoons. From a distant. It's not always easy letting go of someone that we once loved, but sometimes, you have to love yourself more.

Title Loans

Hey fabs,

I know the title of this blog is "Title Loans" but I can assure you, this is not about money. No, No, this blog, is all about titles and labels. People find a lot of importance in label people, places, and things. For instance, that loud girl on the train with fiery red hair and 4 kids runnin up and down the aisle smacking people upside their heads may be labeled as "ghetto". On the opposite end of the spectrum, is the black girl who talks extremely proper, with straight A's and rarely gets in trouble. What would her label be? *coughs* oreo *coughs again*. (I can say that because for several years that's what I was called). But I digress. The man with his pants sagging is labeled a "Thug" and the mom who drives a mini van is labeled a homemaker. Our society thrives off of being able to put every single thing into a category. But for women, titles mean more than any Goodwill sale Macys has ever put on. Here's an example:

I dated (I should use that term more loosely, but for now, deal) for 7 years off and on. For awhile it was all fun and games, but as time went on, I kept wondering, why am I getting treated like a girlfriend, but my relationship status on Facebook still says Single as hell?! We eventually ended up going our separate ways for a final time. A few months back, we ran into each other and caught up. Of course at first came the polite, you look good, so do you, whats new conversations. But later after a few drinks (we were at a bar) I finally came out and told him about my issues with him. In a drunken tearful vent, I asked "Why was it never me? It was always so and so, but never me" to which he replied " If it helps, it was always you, just without the title". So there it was.

In another isolated incident, a friend of mine (knowing that I'm involved) asked why I had not yet changed my relationship status on Facebook. Apparently, "it's complicated" is too simplistic for people. *shrugs*. Do we as females only settle for the feelings and leave the title by the wayside? And is the title even that important? The answer is......... It depends on the person. For me, there was a moment in time where titles didn't matter. But as I got older and started to appreciate my own self worth, I realized that I deserved both the feelings and the label. But please do not take my "self worth" statement as saying that anybody with self worth would want a title. It just depends on what you value in your life, and a silly (or not so silly) title may not be that high on your priority list.

So how does one go about procuring both the feelings and the title? Well, that answer isn't so easy. You have to find someone that is willing to shout from the rooftops that they are in fact taken with you, and by you. And as many gal fabs know, that is a challenge in itself. But, we like challenges don't we ladies? #MESSAGE *sigh* :)

Do you... Manscape?

hello Fabs,

Recently, it has been brought to my attention the number of females that get Brazilian waxes almost doubles in the winter season. Which at first was surprising because the winter season is when we are more covered up than normal. But then, I got to thinking, and I realized, well of course the number is higher. From late September to early March, there is an unwritten, highly spoken phenomena that happens when 2 people who couldn't think of anything better to do during the cold winter nights then cuddle, decide to temporarily (or not) come together. This phenomena is better known by it's street name as cuffing season. And what better way to kick off cuffing season as a female, then to get waxed and perfected for said cuff. But the more cuffing season was mentioned on Twitter, the more I came to realize that it was a high number of men requesting Brazilians on females. Asking a female to shave, or wax is extremely private.But ladies, it IS all about the presentation. I mean, you wouldn't serve Fillet Mignon on a garbage can lid would you? But fellas, if you're going to be so particular about how hairy her love below is, do me a favor. Go to your nearest restroom, unzip, and take a look at what you're working with. Are your balls smooth as eggs, or are you in serious need of deforestation. Lets get real, women don't want to feel like they're choking on a Brillo pad, just as much as you don't need chaff marks on your nose. This isn't a long blog like yesterday, it is simply a plea to the male species that if you're going to make requests such as these, at least be courteous enough to follow suite and manscape :)

Friends? With Benefits?

Ok Fabs,

We've all seen the movies. First it was that snooze of a movie with Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher. (sp? who cares). Then there was the movie with Mila Kunis (hotttt!) and Justin Timberlake (hotter!!!). You all know what movies I'm talking about. The super cliche, friends having sex movies. Two friends of the opposite sex who are fed up with the perils of dating decide to have casual consistent sex with no strings attached. Of course at first, both parties view this as the best idea since Christian slathered red on the bottom of his shoes. But anyone with genitalia (and a brain) know that casual sex is anything but. So I pose this question, Is there such thing as friends with benefits?

Well from my experience, I'm going to answer that with a big ol hell naw. I tried the friends who fuck route and do you know where it left me? Fucked. Let me explain....

A good friend and I both found ourselves single and available for the most part. Now when I say good friend, we were just that. Friends who shared the same extra curriculars *cough* and generally just enjoyed each others company. After a night of 1800 shots (which will have even the most rational thinker running down MLK Ave in their underwear) we decided to take our friendship to the next level, with the understanding that it was "just sex". For awhile it worked out beautifully. We would get up and partake in our vices, then dip off somewhere, get it in, and depart. But a few weeks into it, he threw a dinner in the mix. Soon going out to eat, then having jungle sex was the norm. But soon after, dinner turned into dates. And not the kind of dates where you drive 45 miles outside of the city to eat at some whole in the wall restaurant with toothless cooks and toilets that never flush all the way. We were at legitimate spots where many of our other acquaintances had easy access to us, and our business. In those moments my beloved Fabs is where I made my mistake. I really thought that because I was being taken out, our original "just friends" contract was suddenly null and void. And in my girlish mind, a whole new type of understanding was formed. It probably didn't help that I was majorly in love with him before we even decided to knock boots. But I truly believed that something was better than nothing. Well several months later, after a impromptu exit to bootcamp, an obvious avoidance and a boyfriend later, me and my "friend" no longer speak. Why? because 1 of us admittedly caught (kept) feelings. Now to this day, I still believe with all my heart that the feelings were mutual. But let him tell it, I was in the boat by myself. In the end, it all worked out because I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason. I'm happy in my situation, and whatever it is he's doing, I'm sure he's happy as well. But for awhile, I was really miserable. So again I ask, is there such thing as friends with benefits. What are benefits? In my mind, a benefit is something positive that comes out of putting in some kind of something. So is the benefit of sleeping with your friend a nut? Because if so, lets be honest, we are perfectly capable of doing that on our own. So what is the benefit? If the situation you land yourself in mimics Hollywood's grandiose idea of "friends with benefits", then of course your benefit is a lifetime partner with whom you have bomb sex with. But if your situation is like mine, where in the end you're left with more empty condom wrappers then answers, then the "benefits" look hella slim.

So in closing Fabs, whenever my amigas ask me my opinions on taking on a potential friend with benefit, my face always scrunches up to the point of non recognition. Simply because of the bitter taste that was left in my mouth from my previous experience. No. Pun. Intended. :)

6 months in Pictures

Delusions of Grandeur

Hello Lovelies, Yes, It's been a few months. But I can honestly say that I've been doing some good. Now, for those in my hometown that noticed my 3 month absence, I'll let you know, I joined the Navy.. *waits for gasps* . Before you pass too much judgement, let me be the first to say, that my reasons were totally selfless (well... somewhat) and completely justified. Yes, I went through 2 months of bootcamp. Yes I cried almost daily, No I wasn't able to talk to my friends or family, and finally YES I lost a ton of weight. (Eat your hearts out) Now.. while I was there, I had plenty of time to reflect on everything I had left behind. Sure I was still in Illinois, but I had zero contact with the outside world other than my mom and my besties writing to me. It gave me a chance to think about my dating situation, school, and myself. As Far as dating was concerned, you'll remember I had involved myself with not 1, or 2..but 3 people. No I wasn't sleeping with all of them, and if I was so what, I'm grown. But I was emotionally attached in some form or fashion. But were the feelings mutual? I decided to put this question to the test and wrote a letter to all 3 of them. Each letter contained a different heartfelt message of nostalgia and longing, promises of what was to come, and optimism for the future. And you wanna know what happened? Nada. Not. One. Fucking. Letter. Boop. Did it leave me a saltier than Wendys french fries? Yes. And of course on graduation day as I flicked Great Lakes Naval Training Base off as my parents drove me away, I couldn't help but get a little excited at the prospect of seeing these 3 lads. Why? After months of silence, where I was so clearly out of my normal cocktails, heels, parties till 3, and tacos as the sun rose element, would I be excited to see 3 assholes that couldn't even bother to write a freaking paragraph saying that they missed me too. Even the feigned you can do it, I have faith in you was never sent or even shown. But yet, the thought of seeing them actually gave me comfort. In fact, I did see one. We shall call him F. Mainly because that's what his first name starts with.. (Yeah. I'm innovative). Anyway, F was who I had been dealing with the longest and I decided to forgo the anger of not hearing from him, for a night of alone time. I heard everything from I missed you, to lets get married, to we're gonna make this work. And being the pathetic romantic that I am, I decided to believe it. Even though Me and He had been in cahoots for an entire year and our status had not stepped up not even 1 iota. I still held on to the vision of us, somewhere happy holding hands and jelousing everybody with our oogly eyed facebook pictures. Of photoshoots on some beach drinking cocktails and pretending to not see the camera of our significant other as they snapped away on there Blackberry. Of tweeting our admiration for one another while our followers retweeted wishing they could find what we had. I wanted that. But the truth of the matter was, F was nothing more than a delusion of grandeur. He was something so beautifully unattainable, that I felt the need to use up every resource I had in order to get him, keep him. I became that friend that every girl has that really believes she's in a relationship with someone, and it takes all your strength not to mutter bitch under your breath every time she talks about him. Soon, the other 2 that I had left behind somehow found there way back into my text inbox. And the juggling of the messages commenced. I only had 10 days of leave before I had to check into my next command, so the days following my graduation were somewhat blurry. But When I finally left Chicago, I left with a bitter taste in my mouth. The sting of once again falling victim to sweet lies, and the realization that despite my best efforts, I hadn't really changed. Soon after arriving in Mississippi, (which let me say IS most definitely the arm pit of the south) F started to get on my last damn nerves. Our roles had somehow switched. I wasn't that thirsty girl clawing to my phone every time my bbm went off. In fact, I had went days, even weeks without so much as a "Hey, You breathin?" What had happened? My sense finally caught up with my age. I realized that I had spent the last 2 months crawling through ditches, doing push ups till my arms fell off, and learning how to work as a team. And F, was absolutely not a team player. He was, a blue ball hog. Not willing to share his playing time with anyone else until he was 20 points down and needed assists. My desire for a relationship with him had fizzled. I was tired of trying to make a big something out of an even bigger nothing. And although to this day I still wonder what it would have been like if we had been in a relationship, I realized that the grandeur was worse than the bite.

My Confessions

*I Confess that... I have a boyfriend (YAAAY)

*I confess that although I'm in the Navy, the littlest things still scare the shit outta me

*I confess that as nice as it is to be home, I'm getting HELLA restless

Well, that's 6 months of my life summed up in a short story. Do NOT let Delusions of Grandeur block you from an oncoming blessing. Just because something feels decent in the now, doesn't mean it will feel that way forever. If something just doesn't feel right, 10 out of 10 times, it isn't. And if all else fails, Fuck em, then..... fuck em. *shrugs* HA!

(With my Brit Brat in Uniform)

To Whom This May Concern

Dear.. Crush,

That's right... This is a letter to the person that has occupied a space in both my mind and heart for quite sometime. Let me start by saying that, I'm not crazy. Well.. not clinically anyway. well.. I haven't been diagnosed with anything. So really, this letter shouldn't be taken too seriously. But... Here goes.

Sometimes, I sit and think about all the fun that we have.. Our conversations, laughter, and crude jokes that only we find funny. It's amazing to find someone who shares similar interests as you. And crush, I have found that in you. It sucks that i cant be around you as much as I'D like to.. But I realize you have this wonderful life outside of our friendship, and I respect that.

Now.. I don't go around blasting about the people that I'm interested in.. I pretty much keep a low profile on things of that nature. But crush, I could sing from the mountaintops. (But I wont because it would probably contribute to a lot of animals being added to the endangered species list).. Can I tell you what I like about you?

I like your work ethic. I like the fact that no matter what you have to do, you do it just so that you'll be doing something. I like the fact that you were raised in a good family. I love when you can tell a man has been raised right, and you crush, have been raised impeccably. I LOVE the fact that you can dress and hold a very high interest in fashion. Not in a feminine way, but in a way that you are very much up on current trends, and you like to shop. (which we ALL know is my favorite past time) Oh. and crush, can I just say that I like the fact that you don't mind if I go a lil hard about sports. I was raised with many male cousins, a football playing brother, and a basketball playing daddy. So it's safe to assume that sports is in my blood. Unfortunately, i wasn't born the with athletic gene. But it's something about a man getting smacked on the field that reallly gets me going. :-)

Now. It hasn't always been sunshine and daisy's for us crush. We've had some.. trying times. But you know what. I never gave up. And while I know neither of us are in any position for anything with a title. I just need to you know crush. It's you. Has been. Will be. You.

Friends have talked their shit. Told me to drop it. To leave you alone. To turn around and never look your way again. And. That's fine. Because I wont. Not right now at least. I cant.

Ugh. ok. do I sound crazy yet crush? If i do, I'm sorry.. It's just the thought of you excites me.. You make me smile. And laugh. And sad. All at the same time. It's exciting, and scary and again. That's fine.

You and me.. hmmm.. powerful black couples are so beautiful. And We'd definitely be a powerhouse. I see the moves we're both making, and I cant help but let my mind wander to the what if's.. What do I bring to the table? Well...

I'm educated, I have my funny moments. I'm driven, and optimistic (with coffee and marijuana). I match your fly effortlessly. Good girl when need be. Crazy when I have to be. And sympathetic. But again Crush, I'm not rushing a thing. Just letting you know that well.. I'm alright.

Welp. That's it then.. Let the speculation begin. I'm ready for it. I feel like a coward because this is nameless. But crush, I'm just not ready to let you know how I feel. So. I'll write you this letter, and hope that maby, maby you feel the same way.

Sincerely Yours,

♥ Kisha_Fashionista ♥

Fall into Fall

(For you nay Sayers.. Beyonce BEEN had buttas! :-p)

Fall is coming! Fall is coming!!

ohhh myyy gosh!! Fall is my favorite season? Why? because it evokes so much feeling and emotion from me. And because fashion is so much cuter when it's colder right? Not just fashion, but peoples attitudes tend to change the colder it gets. (ehem. um, hello cuffing season?) These are some of my new favorite things about this up coming fall..

Now, i detest animal print. I used to love it when I was.. Younger. But if done wrong, animal print can look like somebody's cheap hoodtastic living room/bathroom set. But this tiny tasteful leopard print belt gives us a little break from the Summer's statement accessories. AND it's under $100.. On Dillards.com you can find this cutie for $38.. don't say i neva gave you nothin :-)

This season, OPI introduces us to it's new Swiss collection. The line consists of gorgeous Fall/Winter wonderland colors. With a few earth tones splashed in. And just in case nobody has told you (which is blasphemous) Many nail salons are offering the "no chip" manicure which lemme tell you.. is a life and money saver!

So, I've been coveting a leather bomber jacket for about 2 years now, and this may be the year I spend my duckets on one. They are super cute, super comfy and go with every style! Watch and see, they'll be EVERYWHERE this fall...

Also on my list of things to look out for this fall are chunky knits. *sighs* How I love them so!

Whats fall without boots? whether you're looking for flat and practical, or High and fun, boots thigh high boots are the it thing this up coming fall. These simple brown flat over the knee boots are Coachella, and the grey thigh high boots are Michael Antonio.. ( I have them in black.. but the heel is high and wretched.com)

Last but certainly not least, look out for the boyfriend pant. But not just jeans, the boyfriend tailored look. It screams sexy and androgyny ( love that word) and really, the pair that I just got from H&M are the most comfortable pants I own


Hope you enjoy reading as much as I've enjoyed compiling.. Hope you see you cute out in the streets!

Love ya!

♥ Kisha_fashionista ♥

No 1ne man Should have all that Powa

(Downtown Atlanta. *sighs*)

Well Well Well.. Looky who's back.. *Points at Self*

UGH. Lemme tell you how life has thrown so many lemons my way.. I'm like 10 nanoseconds away from opening up a stand on the corner. Summer is ending and the tell tale signs of Fall are making themselves even more apparent. Fall is gorgeous colors, crisp breezes, pumpkin latte's, high school football games, and BOOTS. But Fall is also cuffing season. For those of you who experienced a high volume of cake last winter and found yourself on your ass and alone this summer can expect that same fool (or fools... I don't judge) to come right back round as soon as the temperature drops. Then there are those who thought they were boo'd up during the summer (like myself.. HMPH) but noticed he wasn't quite acting as "right" as he was during the winter.. Now you will probably see a definite change in 'tude. But with both of these situations, we hold all the power. Right? It's not the one who always comes back, but the one who is open to it.
Lets talk on some realness. I had a situation where during the colder months, I started "talking" (I know that term is so juvenile.. but then again so was he) all during winter I thought I really had things on lock. But theeeeen Spring hit, and things weren't so sweet. By the Summer I was crying into a pitcher of Margaritas with my bestfriends wondering what went wrong. The pathetic part about my whole story, is that the day after my snot fests, he would hit me up as if nothing were wrong and I'd be right back at square 1...
Now, I know what you're thinking.. DUH! Why would you even go through that? Well, everybody has their reasons.. Mine was mainly the fact that I was dickmatized (which is VERY REAL) and I genuinely liked this guy and thought we had a chance. At the time I really did think he held all the power. But as I sit back and type this on the low (because I'm at work and not even suppose to be on here like this lol) I really had the power.. Not necessarily over him and his actions. But the outcome of every situation. See, I was losing, because I never ever gave myself a chance to win. I would go back into the pattern and even though I knew what the pattern was, and peeped game, I still kept myself in it. And THAT my lovelies is where I was giving away my power.
So.. How do you know enough is enough?

*If you find yourself crying more than happy and laughing, chances are, it's prolly enough.
*I know they say don't listen to single friends. But true bestfriends have nothing but good intentions for you. They can offer the best insight, cuz lets face it. The biggest symptom of being dickmatized is blindness..
*And lastly, the best sign that can ever appear to you, is yourself.. Hindsight is 20/20.. it's just a choice on whether you listen and take heed

I don't know to many of us that like being alone.. And if you're as fabulous as I think you are, I know you're really just looking for someone just as fabulous to strut around with and be awesome around. But at the end of the day, we cant go giving away our power. And if you're like me, and realize all the lemons you've been allowing yourself to be dealt, don't fret. When life hands you lemons, squeeze that shit into a margarita!

Love you!

♥Kisha_Fashionista♥

Photo Confessions

Photo's from the week that I absolutely LOVE! Enjoy :o)


(Get Carried away)


(New brian Atwood Farrah heels)


(Richard Nicoll silver Denim skirt)


(Botegga Veneta Kelly green Cocolave Crocodile Tote) *Um.. LOVE this*


(I would do strange things for the dress Serena is wearing...)


(Oh Blair.. Whatever will you do with Chuck?)


(This is old. But whatever. It's my blog)